There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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