Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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