All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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