I didn't shave. On purpose
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
