I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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