Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
