Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
