i barfeds in our rink
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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