John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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