About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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