just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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