Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
