Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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