i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
