The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
