Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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