I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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