also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize