the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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