why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
