really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize