this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
