Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
