im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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