shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
