She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
