if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
That's how pantless uber rides happen
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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