my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
