Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
