she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize