I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
