Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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