Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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