This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
