Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
