Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
