Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
