Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
BRING THE BAGELS
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
