i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
