Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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