I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
how does that bad decision feel?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
