so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
