Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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