dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
