No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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