i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
