Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
