I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
