it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
