You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
