While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize