I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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