he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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