So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize