I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm lost and stupid without you.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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