Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
