I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
