rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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