Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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