I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Your cock deserves a montage
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
