its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
