He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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