is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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