I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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