Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
