I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
