not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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