I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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